he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
