i already hear my dad disowning me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
