I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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