Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
