your parents love me but you hate me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
