I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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