Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
