you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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