just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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