You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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