if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
