he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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