I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
