I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
