Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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