yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
