God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
fuck your aforementioned shoe
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize