i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
