No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
