Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
