I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize