1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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