Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
