I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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