HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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