I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Someone came in the potted fern
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
