I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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