Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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