Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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