i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
