omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
