youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
