the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
