I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
