i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
