The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
