You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
