I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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