You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
