Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
