Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
