There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
