What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
