my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
