My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
