He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
