i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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