he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
