Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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