You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
