I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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