so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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