Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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