If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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