im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
