I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize