I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
