I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
