I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
