she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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