using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
