Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
