She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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